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Relentlessly persecuting the Light Jeweled of Glacia for their deficit, Elisif Brenden, the Queen, encourages adherence to all precepts of the Dark Religion. Dark Jewels who do not conform are forcefully brought into the fold and Light Jewels found in opposition are broken or executed for their mistakes. There can be no leniency in the frozen territory.
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Author Topic: This is harder on me than on you  (Read 260 times)

Description: Attn: Warren

Offline Miina Kalas

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This is harder on me than on you
« on: Oct 12, 17, 03:53:38 PM »
Miina stared down at the delicate silver collar in her hands, feeling the cool metal slide through her fingertips.  She should have done this over a week ago, shouldn’t have waited until her moontime had rendered her useless for so many days and then there had been all the postponed meetings that had required her attention.  The more she had put it off, the harder this would become.

Warren had been so happy when she had slipped down to the kitchen in the early morning to watch him preparing morning breads and pastries for the rest of the court as she perched in her robe and slippers, hugging a hot cup of coffee.  Jakob had been sound asleep when she slipped out of bed, exhausted by his very enthusiastic performance upon his return from his latest assignment with Kain and she found she enjoyed the simple quiet (well as quiet as a busy kitchen was in the predawn hours) moment to watch her Warren buzzing around, giving orders, checking on the progress of a slew of tasks.   She had chosen rightly by making him her head chef.   He was like a fish in water in the kitchen,  with all the energy and enthusiasm that the job required.  She had immersed herself in the happy buzzing of the morning activities as she drank her coffee and one hot pastry from the oven before gracing Warren with a kiss on the cheek and headed back up to her rooms.   The sun had barely begun peeking over the horizon when she slid back into bed beside Jakob and with a glee of mischief, decided to wake him up in the most pleasant way.

It had been a glorious morning, which had only done to cast a dark cloud over this afternoon.  She knew this was not going to go easy with Warren, her own internal network had already gathered enough information to prepare for that and in some way, she wanted to spare him this but that same network had told her of the whispers of the uncollared light jeweled male in the Queen’s home and how dangerous that was.   She held the narrow plain silver band in her hands, setting it down on her desk beside the ring that controlled it and folded her hands with a sigh.   Now all she had to do was wait for Warren to bring her the tray of tea and biscuits she had requested and she could get this unpleasantness behind them both.


Offline Warren Winters

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Re: This is harder on me than on you
« Reply #1 on: Oct 12, 17, 04:42:40 PM »
What a week! New job, new Queen, practically a whole new life! The energy of the kitchen was invigorating and he was kept so busy throughout the day that for the most part he went right to sleep by the time everything was all cleaned up at the end of the night. Work work work, then sleep, then arise and work again. It was relentless, but it felt good - and he was almost where he wanted to be for having everything up and running in his kitchen. Sure, there was a little bit of friction in the first couple of days as the rest of the kitchen staff acclimated to having such a young and light Jeweled boss, but they were good people.

By the end of next week, Warren figured his kitchen would truly bee a well-oiled machine and he could afford to lean back a few notches. Have a bit more time for socializing, for spending time with his Queen. Even some quiet time where they both just relaxed. That would be nice.

Of course, part of the hectic nature of last week was that Miina had been dealing with her moontime - which had put everyone in a bit of a tizzy. Prince Raj and Prince Jakob were both still relatively new to the Court as well, so there was that whole factor to tiptoe around. He wished he could have been more useful during the time, but if her were being completely honest he was glad it was all over. He would be more prepared next month not just to be there to support Lady Miina, but to hopefully be able to balance out the other men a little bit. As the Warlord and most mild-tempered of the newest males, Warren sort of felt that it was his duty to keep them from ripping each other's throats out if he possibly could.

For the moment, though, he was quite happy to maybe get a little bit of alone time with his Lady. She'd requested he bring her some tea and biscuits and he was happy to oblige, mixing up his best tea and a slightly sweeter biscuit that he hoped would suit her tastes. He also brought a small bowl of fresh fruit and a pitcher of water.

He knocked lightly on the door, then entered at her bid, a sweet smile firmly in place.

"Here you go, Lady. A nice sweet little snack just for you."

Offline Miina Kalas

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Re: This is harder on me than on you
« Reply #2 on: Nov 12, 17, 02:03:39 PM »
Miina looked up, at the sweet young face brimming with happiness at seeing her and bringing her a treat and her heart fell.  She felt guilty and upset at the same time but schooled her face into a warm smile as Warren stepped up with the tray.   Guilty because she knew that what she said next would wipe that smile from his face, and upset because she didn’t understand the guilt.  This was just like the whole mess with Alethea all over again.  Why should she feel guilty?  She was providing Warren with safety and protection, perhaps even more protection than being under the sphere of her Red ever could.  The collar would signify that she was one of his, a matching piece to the one she was gifting to Jakob as soon as she had his controlling ring and could remove the other one.  It was beautiful, an artisan’s work and he would never again have to worry about someone hurting him again or risk the fullness of her wrath upon him.

She never once had such feelings before, such worry at what wearing a collar would do.  Damn that woman, she had wormed doubt into her convictions.  Of course Warren would be proud to wear her collar, he adored her and she adored him.  He would understand better than Alethea how she was just trying to keep him safe.  She could no sooner harm him than herself. 

“Warren,” she said happily, rising from her seat to move into his arms, snuggling against his shoulder with a coo of delight.  Her sweet Warren, who smelled of spices and baking.  Yes, he had always been the perfect choice for her Head Cook. She felt his arms slide around her waist and relished in the tenderness of their bond.  He was not attracted to her, not like that and she loved that difference.  He was warmth and snuggles and sometimes that was even better than the best sex, though she’d never tell Jakob that.

“I’ve missed you,” she sighed, “I hope my other males weren’t too snarly with you while I was indisposed.  And thank you so much for all the delicious little treats and teas. They made me feel so much better.”  She closed her eyes and enjoyed the moment before gently pulling back, her hands sliding down his arms to hold his hands.

“I’m glad you’re here,” she said softly, her eyes lowering as her thumb slid against the skin of his hand, “there’s something I have to talk to you about.”


Offline Warren Winters

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Re: This is harder on me than on you
« Reply #3 on: Nov 21, 17, 09:37:46 PM »
A warmth and rightness settled in his soul and curled around his heart like a protective aura as she came right up to him and hugged him. The feeling of her arms around him always had that affect, even without her calling upon the power of her Touch. It was the nature of their bond, or perhaps it was just because he needed it so much - so starved for safety as he was. Or perhaps he was just highly susceptible to the magic of a Queen that it bled over him even unintentionally.

When she touched him, and even just being here with her, he didn't worry about the why though. He just closed his eyes and smiled, breathing in her scent deeply as he wrapped his arms around her and nuzzled against her hair.

"Mm.." A soft, humming, happy and contented little sound. Full of peace.

"I missed you too. But I'm glad you took the time you needed to rest." He kissed her cheek then chuckled as she pulled back. "Ah, it went alright. I think I managed to avoid stepping on too many toes." Well, the other men did get a little grumbly, but he didn't take it personally. He was the newest, and had shown up right before their lady became indisposed, so bonded or not none of them were really one hundred percent on board with him lingering around her. But Warren was non-threatening and calm enough that the grumbles never even evolved into a full growl. He also came bearing treats not just for Miina but for the other men. He was a smart Warlord, he knew how to play his cards to his advantage - and his goal was to be the Designated Snuggle Buddy for the next moontime when it rolled around next month.

Her hands enveloped his and he looked down at them with a small, private little smile before lifting them to his lips and kissing them sweetly.

"Of course, my Lady." He winked. "Anything for you."

Offline Miina Kalas

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Re: This is harder on me than on you
« Reply #4 on: Dec 13, 17, 04:04:46 PM »
His arms were always so warm, and he always smelled of spices and cooking scents that blended so seamlessly with his own delicious scent that made her toes curl in happy warmth.  His arms tightened around her stomach and she hugged him back tightly, letting the happy moment drag on.

“Yes,” she pouted softly, “Well I’m glad no one caused you any distress.  They are all so protective of me, just like you.”  She ran a finger along his jawline, her eyes warm violet.  “My sweet Warren, I know I would be so lost without you in my life.  I’m so happy you found me.” Her words rang from the heart.  All her bonded, they were all more precious to her than the Jewels at her throat.  Hers to protect as much as she was theirs to protect.  It was this, the thought of harm befalling her precious Warren that steeled her resolve as she led him over to her sitting couch, smiling happily as he kissed her hands.

“You’ve been with me a few weeks now and already you are the darling of the court.  Everyone raves about your special touches to their requests from the kitchen.  You work harder and more perfectly than anyone else when it comes to making your food more than just food, you create happiness.”  She smiled, lifting his hands to her cheek to nuzzle them.  “I adore you Warren, and if anything should ever happen to you, it would break my heart.  I love all my males, but you are...I can’t even think of the words.  Each of your bond brothers feels a different way to me.  Alek is my shield, he wraps around me and keeps away danger.  Raj is my tiger, ready to pounce and defend.  Jakob is fire and passion,” she blushed slightly, “well...you’ve met him.  I don’t need to explain that one to you,” she added in a little shy smile before squeezing his hands,”[/b] and you Warren, you are my warmth.  Just thinking of you makes my whole body feel safe and warm and content.”[/b]  Her thumbs brush over his knuckles, “and the easiest way to hurt me would be to hurt you.  I couldn’t bear that Warren, I couldn’t bear harm coming to anyone I care for.”

She looked up into his face, her eyes seeking his, “I want to give you something now, something that will make sure no one could ever hurt you or take you away from me.  You protect my heart, I protect you,” she said softly and called over the collar to her, letting it rest on her lap.  “The Darkness blesses me with the strength that I can do so, and I do.  I protect all those who belong to me,” she reached down and lifted the collar off her lap into one hand, presenting it to him with great ceremony. “This will keep you protected, that my Red will always be with you, to shield you and keep you from those who would harm you.”

Spoiler: Miina's collars (click to show/hide)


Offline Warren Winters

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Re: This is harder on me than on you
« Reply #5 on: Dec 13, 17, 11:47:30 PM »
Somehow.. somehow Warren didn't guess that this was coming. Somehow he hadn't noticed the pretty chains all around him. Somehow it never occurred to him that something like this... that it was going to happen to him. The thought of it terrified him so much that he'd blocked it out - shoved it as far away from his mind and kept it at bay with reassurances and positivity on a constant mental channel that something like this would never happen that.. that he'd blinded himself to it.

And he hadn't seen it coming.

Even as Miina took his hands. As she lead him over to the couch and crooned about how much she adored him, how much she wanted to protect him. To keep him safe.

Warren wanted to be safe. He wanted to be cherished and protected. He wanted to have a place, his home. He wanted to be useful and loved and appreciated. All the words coming from those sweet lips of her sounded so good and they filled his belly with warmth. His heart was calm, his expression warm, even tinged with a soft pink in his cheeks from the flattery and affection. The touch of her hands on his, and to his face, each stroke and pet and perfect little instance of contact chasing away anything that even resembled suspicion before it had a chance to creep upon him.

Everything was fine. Better than fine. It was perfect. Perfect.

And then it was like he'd woken up in some sort of nightmare.

He followed her gaze as she called the round shackle to her lap. It was not beautiful to him, even though it was so elegantly crafted. He knew what it was. He knew what it did. He knew what it meant. It was ugly. It was terrible. It was terrifying - and she was presenting it to him like it was a great gift.

Suddenly he remembered seeing the same ring around the throats of every other light-Jeweled staff. Even Jakob. None of them seemed uncomfortable with it. None of them drew any attention to it at all. Maybe that's how he was able to force himself not to notice - or if he did, he just thought of it as a pretty accessory. But no. That's not what it was.

For the first time since he'd met her, Warren recoiled from his Queen. He didn't do it on purpose, and the moment the move was made - his hands snapping back and his body leaning away from her - he felt his stomach drop in fear. Fear at that thing she was holding. Fear at what his reaction would mean for him. She would see it. She would sense it, certainly. She'd be angry with him. She'd have him punished for certain. Or she'd cast him out.

That he couldn't figure out which was worse scared him most of all. This should not be a hard choice - choosing being with her and collared and being away from her but free. He should be able to stand up and walk out. He should be able to say No, thank you. This is non-negotiable, and walk away. Instead, he felt paralyzed. His heart was beating far too fast and his throat was tight with panic. His hands shook and he was already desperately thinking of the slender little blade he had vanished - then hating himself for thinking it. No. No. She could never know about that. It would only convince her more that he couldn't be trusted. That he needed to be... controlled and contained.

She called it protection. But you can't protect someone with something that can hurt them. Down to is soul he knew this - and no one was ever going to convince him otherwise.

So why wasn't he running?

What magic had she cast on him?

Was this bond.. this bond that made him feel so stable and at peace, so loved and whole -- was it going to manipulate him into accepting this? Was he going to let it.

She was expecting him to say something. To accept the collar with gratitude. But he couldn't touch it. The mere thought of it made him feel sick.

"I.. I didn't realize... I should have. I should have... noticed. Before. Jakob has one too... I didn't eve notice." The words stammered out and he was looking at the collar like it was a live snake - but when he knew she was expecting words - those were the safest ones he could manage. The only other ones he wanted to say, and hung palpable in the silent air between them, might get him lashed.

Please, please don't put that thing on me.

Offline Miina Kalas

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Re: This is harder on me than on you
« Reply #6 on: Dec 31, 17, 11:21:02 PM »
If Warren’s tastes ran to women, Miina still could not have bedded him.  That was never the feeling of their bond.  Comfort and affection, but no sexual heat.  Oh he would end up in her bed, probably wrapping her up in a warm blanket and using his own body for additional warmth but never anything past that.  Until that point, she was certain of this future but now….

Pain.  Fear.  Betrayal.

A knife slipped in between Miina’s ribs and hit her heart in the same moment that Warren pulled back from her.  Physically and emotionally and something tore between them and it hurt.  Mother Night that pain where there had only been warmth and love and comfort and happiness, tainted and bitter and she couldn’t reason with the fact that it was her fault.  She had done this.

His touch was gone, the warmth of his hands, even his body so close to her own was cold to her.  Her throat convulsed and her eyes stung and she wanted to cry, wanted to suddenly beg his forgiveness for hurting him.  She spoke of protection and comfort and she had wounded him no less than if she had stuck the dagger herself.  Why?  Why did this hurt him so?  Didn’t he trust her?  Didn’t he love her as much as she loved him?  Why was he looking at her like a wounded creature and making her feel so awful for only doing the will of the Darkness, the will of the Thrice-Blessed, who spoke intimately with Mother Night and swore that it was the duty of the Dark Jeweled to collar and protect those who were dear to them.

Who was more dear than a Bonded?

Maybe..maybe he would change his mind?  Maybe she could show him that it wasn’t a bad thing, or as awful as he thought, maybe….


His voice shook, stammered, made sounds that were excuses as his eyes stared at the collar on her lap, wide and unblinking, like he expected it to lash out and wrap around his neck, cutting off his air and then he looked up at her, and the silence was pierced, not with conscious thoughts or a thread of communication, but the silent pleading that rang in her head.

Please, please don't put that thing on me.

Something inside her shook vigorously, cracks appearing in a solid foundation of truth and trust and belief.  Her Bonded, her Male, HERS to protect and love and she was the thing he feared the most now.  She had prided herself on being a good Queen, wanted to be a great Queen and now…

Now she was ashamed of herself and she didn’t understand why.  She was only doing what was told to her, expected, the law of the Land and of the Darkness. 

So why, as a Queen who lived and loved and protected the land, suddenly feel so very very wrong?


Offline Warren Winters

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Re: This is harder on me than on you
« Reply #7 on: Jan 03, 18, 10:53:33 AM »
He could see it in her face. He could feel it radiating from her. Pain. Confusion.

He was doing it again. He was pushing his pain onto someone he cared about. When they already had so much going on. When.. when they were depending on him to be able to roll with the punches, to be their support. And here he was only causing more pain, more trouble.

'I trusted you, Niki! I... after all I've DONE.. and you...!? I can't believe I was so wrong... you really are fucking tainted. Cursed. Twisted.'

Fred's face. It had been so angry. So hurt. So... tired and wounded under all that anger. He hadn't seen it at first. Not in the moment. In the moment he'd been so scared and so wrapped up in his own issues. But he'd replayed that moment over and over and over again in the years since. When he'd been captive, when he'd finally gotten free and had to choose if he was going to go find his brother or hide as Warren Winters... how many times had he thought about that night and the months, the years preceding it.

How it was all his fault.

All his fault.

All

his fault...

allhisfault

all his fault, for being so fucked up, so selfish, so stubborn, so self-righteous. all his fault.
causing trouble.
                  causing pain.
                                   cursed.
                                              wrong.
twisted.
that's why. that's why everything was all fucked up. why his parents were killed. why he has to chase around tiny glimmers of hope he'll never hold, like catching light. because this was his punishment. for the corruption inside of him.


No. Nonononono. No.

Warren was trembling, his arms retreating to wrap around himself as he tore his eyes away from that vile circle of metal and up to his Queen's face. He could see the hurt there too. It was easy to find. Unlike with Fred, there was no rage in her eyes to mask that hurt.

His voice caught and he tried a wobbly smile. He couldn't... he couldn't be a burden to her too. "S-sorry. I shouldn't be surprised. It... It's normal now, right? Especially in Courts..." His voice stuck and he had to look away. He couldn't screw this up. He couldn't sound like he was against it. If he did... what would she do to him? He felt guilty even thinking it. He should be worried about how she was feeling - and he was.. but that was the nature of his fault wasn't it? He was selfish. Horrifically, disgustingly selfish.

"And.. to be here. To.. to serve.. I've got... I've... You want me... to.. to wear it." He was choking out the words. What was he doing? Why wasn't he running?

Why wasn't he running?

Offline Miina Kalas

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Re: This is harder on me than on you
« Reply #8 on: Jan 29, 18, 12:55:08 AM »
Miina couldn’t breathe.  The waves of fear and pain, waves that weren’t her own and yet they were pulled at her chest, sucked the air out of her especially when Warren’s eyes looked up into her own from where it had been frozen fixed on the collar in her lap.

She let it fall out of her fingers, felt the weight of it on her legs as she leaned forward and took his hands in her own.  So cold, why was he feeling so cold?  Was he sick?  His body shook and she wanted to lean into him, pull him into her arms and warm him until his body stopped shaking but she watched him pull himself away from her reach, wrap his arms around himself as if she had hit him or was about to hit him and he was protecting himself from….from her?

Oh my sweet Warren, my darling boy.

His face shifted, and he gave her a shaking smile, as if he was trying to convince her and himself that he was alright, that everything was fine.   His voice didn’t reflect the tone of his words, words that were trying to sound humored but were anything but.  And then he turned his head away and she felt something between them stretching...ice cold and cracking, like too much weight on a pond that wasn’t frozen solid.  Her head ached with the sound of that cracking, her chest pained with the feel of that cracking.  Too much weight, too much…

“It is the law,” she said, and her own voice sounded hollow and uncertain even to herself.  “Collars keep the lighter jeweled safe, it is the duty of…” her voice trailed off, the words on her tongue tasted bitter and horrible.  They were the words she had offered Alethea and she had believed them so much when she spoke them.  Now, now she felt like she was offering Warren a choice between cutting off his foot or his hand but the law said he had to lose a limb.

Why was it so different now?  Because he was hers?  Alethea was a Queen, a sister in Caste but she hadn’t felt so awful, so….cruel.

That was the word.  Cruel.  She was being terrible to Warren, forcing him to do something that terrified him for reasons she didn’t understand, didn’t know. Her heart cried out to stop this, throw the damned thing out the window and beg his forgiveness.

Her head whispered her sister’s name, whispered of the spies she knew lived in her very walls who spoke to the High Priestess.  She knew that if Warren remained uncollared, word would reach Lydia who would probably find it her “duty” to do what Miina had not, enforce the edict of the Queen of Glacia and of the Dark Religion. 

Miina felt tears sliding down her cheeks, and didn’t remember when they started.  She leaned towards him, cupping his face in her hands and ignored the taste of salt on her lips.  “Please don’t hate me,” she begged, her voice shaking as much as his had.  “I have to Warren, the law demands it, the law of the Territory and of the Queen who I answer to.  If not me, someone else will ask why you were not collared and I have to obey.  Elsif is the Thrice-Blessed, her word is law.  And my sister… Lydia will not hesitate to use any sign of disobedience against me.  She hates that I am Queen when she is not.”

“I want to protect you, I need to protect you.  Wearing my Collar means that you belong to my court, you fall under the power of my Red, and Raj’s Red and Alek’s Red.  Three Red jewels shield you and everyone who wears my collar from anyone’s harm.  There are people who would use you, harm you to harm me and it would Warren.”  Her eyes were wide with pleading.  “If something ever happened to you, I would not recover.  Not just because you are my Bonded, but you are my Warren.  You are more a part of my heart than any of the others and I love you.”  She brushed her fingers against his cheeks, biting into her lip until the point a white line appeared, just before the skin would split from the pressure.

“What….what if I don’t activate it?”  Her voice was barely a whisper, her eyes darting around the room as if she expected to see someone or something before leaning closer, her voice almost a breath.  “Just for show.  No ring, no lock, an ornament for others to see.  No one would question to test it, and I am the only one who would know that there is no power in the collar.  The symbol only Warren, to keep the hounds from the scent.”  Her eyes pleaded with him, her throat convulsing with her own blend of fear and panic.

“Until I can find another way, a better way, a way that will not have the power of the Queen’s Ebon Gray washing through my court, a way that will not draw any unwanted attention from those who would see me out of power or even worse.  And there are those who want me gone Warren, they would use any whisper of weakness against me.”

She sighed deeply, “Please understand, please don’t hate me.


Offline Warren Winters

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Re: This is harder on me than on you
« Reply #9 on: Jan 31, 18, 06:34:42 PM »
”It’s the law…

“…keep the lighter Jeweled safe…”


He’d heard these words before. Echoed a hundred thousand times in passers by and advocates of the Dark Religion. Heard them on the tongues of every dark Jeweled he’d come across. Those who held opinions like this seemed to think it was their divine right to shove them down his throat since they affected him so deeply.

Maybe it was.

And a part of him, a part of him should have known what he was walking into. He’d let himself talk himself up too much. In trying to fight the twisted shadows inside of him he’d given himself a false sense of import, or maybe just safety. Though I guess even that depended on how you looked at it and how far into the Abyss you were blessed.

His stomach was hurting. Physically hurting. Not quite nausea, but not quite cramps. Something stabbing. Something twisting. Something that had taken his intestines on a spire and was slowly spinning, curling them up and dragging them through the layers of his flesh, catching on the bone, ripping him open from the inside out.

Her hands touched his face and he flinched, jerking back.

Then.. he saw her face.

She was crying. He had made her cry. He had done this. That twisting spire caught on his heart and pulled it into the grind.

please don’t hate me

’Please don’t hate me…’ She begged him. Her, begging him. Like how only seconds ago he’d swallowed his own pleas. How he’d stopped himself from begging, pleading with her not to put that collar about his throat.

There were a lot of words falling from his Queen’s lips now. Whether she was advocating for the collar or delicately dancing around the subject he didn’t know. He wasn’t even hearing most of the words themselves. Over and over, from his ears to his heart to his soul, all he could hear were four words on an echoed repeat.

please
                don’t
                          hate
                                   me


He missed everything between the first plea of those words and the hushed, forbidden suggestion that she collar him but not activate it. He almost agreed. Then she continued - and the consequences of his noncompliance shook him almost as hard as the realization that she’d meant to collar him to begin with. The Ebon Gray. Washing through the court and taking all of them down. Miina displaced, dead or worse. The lives of everyone here at the Seat and likely anyone else attached… hanging like a chain about his throat.

“No..”

He took a harsh, shaky breath. Then, calling upon years and years of practice, he closed his eyes and forced his shoulders to relax, then the muscles of his face into something that was almost a smile. It didn’t reach his eyes, but at least the pain was draining swiftly out of those as well as he manhandled all of that blackness behind a thin barrier of self-control. A mask. Warren was good at those.

“No. Miina… It’s okay. I don’t hate you. I couldn’t.” Not even if he wanted to. Not even if he hated himself, right now, for not hating her.

“I’ll wear it. It’s okay. Everyone will be safe, alright.” The smile twitched up, and in order to block out everything else, he poured himself into trying to comfort Miina. It was all he could do, really. Maybe it was all he was good for. In that moment, though, he needed to be something. He reached out and touched her hand, smiled at her. He put warmth into it, there was even something helplessly playful in the soft, self-deprecating laugh he released.

“If you put it on me and don’t activate it, I’ll just take it off. I’m usually pretty good at following directions, but…” He chuckled and shrugged. “It’ll be alright.” For you. “I promise.” He winked. “And hey, maybe it’ll help hide all those hickeys I’ll be collecting soon. Hopefully from Tall Dark and Yummy.”

He just had to get through this. This conversation. This moment. This situation. He just had to get through the locking of that collar around his throat and the subtle buzz of it coming to life - night he’d thought he’d forgotten that feeling… he would never forget.

But it didn’t matter. He would make it through. He’d do it. So he wouldn’t hurt Miina. So he wouldn’t be another black spot in someone’s life. So he wouldn’t be that disappointment, that failure, that inconvenience to anyone ever again. Especially not to Miina. His own Queen.

He’d get through it.

Then..

Well, he’d either survive. Or he wouldn’t.

Offline Miina Kalas

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Re: This is harder on me than on you
« Reply #10 on: Feb 16, 18, 12:14:34 AM »
She watched the play of emotions across his gentle face, saw the pain there more so after he noticed her own pain and tears.  Then he pulled it all back behind a mask of a face she had become accustomed to, a face that made her now wonder how much she really did know about her dear Warren and how much hurt he had always kept behind that mask.

She missed the smile in his eyes, those eyes that were...neutral.  Revealing nothing.  He said he didn’t hate her but he couldn’t look at her the way he used to, the way he had when they had first bonded and his eyes told her she made him happy and relieved in a way that he had never felt before that moment. 

He offered to wear the collar and in that moment she wanted to throw it out the window and command that he would never wear that horrid thing if he would really and truely smile.  Maybe...maybe she could say the craftsmanship was defective?  It could buy him a little time.  No, that would raise too much suspicion and the craftsman would want to inspect the flaws.  She bit the inside of her lip hard enough to taste blood before she felt the pain of the bite.

“It’s not ok Warren, it’s not.  You…. you might not hate me, but you don’t want this.  Even if you’re trying to smile for me, I can see it in your eyes.  I can feel it here.”  She pressed a hand to her chest.  “I...I don’t want to hurt you, but I don’t know what to do.”

She felt embarressed.  Here she was whining like a child.  She was a Queen damnit, his Queen and she needed to step to the line to defend him but that nagging voice in her head cautioned her.  If Lydia heard about this, she could use it against her.  Perhaps even use it to have her removed from her seat….maybe even convince Elsif and her Court to place her as the ruler of Ivalo until another Queen could be selected?  Oh Lydia would LOVE that.  What would happen to her sweet Warren then?  Lydia would throw him out. He wouldn’t match her idea of what a staff should be.  His ideas for exciting new dishes would clash with her pure Glacian stark coldness.

Warren’s hand touched hers as he tried to comfort her, ease her guild and pain and at another time she would have appreciated it, but it only made her feel worse.  Still, she clung to his hand like a lifeline.  He tried to be strong, even tried to make light of the situation by joking about using the collar to hide any love bites from his encounters with Raj but it didn’t make her laugh.  She only gave him a twitch of a smile but not out of humor.

Taking a pained deep breath, and feeling the weight of her only decision, she ran her hand along his cheek.  “Only for now Warren.  I will find a solution, something that will allow me to change this for you.  And I want to, for you Warren.  For you and Jakob, and everyone else who feels the same as you do.  And I’m sorry, I am so so sorry.  I swear, you won’t have to wear this thing a minute longer than it takes me to figure out a way to keep the Territory Court from raining punishment down on all of us.”

It seemed to last forever, and weigh more than the narrow thin band suggested but when she picked up the collar again, her arms ached.  She felt the cold metal in her hands and stopped.  Her hands trembled but she couldn’t make them move.  She couldn’t do this, she couldn’t hurt Warren.  He might say he didn’t hate her, but he would come to.  This thin band would eat away at his spirit until he loathed her for putting it around his neck.  Even if it was only for a minute, that was a minute of his soul.

“I...I can’t.”  Miina let it and her hands drop into her lap again, her head bowing in defeat.  Something snapped inside her, a cracking feeling in her chest and for a moment she thought perhaps she had received a blow and her rib had broken, but no physical pain could match this.  She sucked in air like it was her last chance to breathe and shook but she couldn’t bring herself to lift the thing and place it around his neck.

“I am sorry Warren, sorry I am not a Queen to be proud of.  I’m sorry I couldn’t be the Queen you deserve.  I broke a Queen to save Raj from this fate but I don’t have the courage to stand up to my own sister, or to these awful laws for you.  I’m sorry the Darkness gave you such a poor Queen.”